I may have depression since I’ve lost interest in the stuff I used to like, I’m disconnected from my emotions and the worst part is… it’s making me lose feelings for my boyfriend. I’ve never felt this way before. I’m sure that I love my boyfriend with all my heart but ever since I lost the feeling of happiness, hopefulness and the like, things just haven’t been feeling the same with him.
But it’s not just my boyfriend, sometimes when I don’t think about him and instead I think about the things that aren’t related to him, it still feels the same. The things I like doing like dancing and playing flag football don’t feel the same anymore…
This all started when I freaked out and panicked about getting hemorrhoids.. I thought it was something deadly and ‘serious’ (even if it wasn’t).. it was the first time I experienced it and I totally felt humiliated that I had it, shocked and utterly scared. I was asking myself over and over again, “Why me?” And I was just so sad..I let my spirits drop. During that time, I realized I couldn’t feel much for anything since I was just so tired to feel afraid and embarrassed… I freaked out even more when I couldn’t feel anything for my boyfriend. We were watching TV and things just didn’t feel the same all of a sudden…! I cried the whole night once I discovered that I might have lost feelings for him because I really couldn’t believe it. I love him so much, how can this be happening? I asked myself.. the next day, I didn’t feel so well from crying the whole night. My eyes were swollen and I had a slight fever. My nose was clogged and I had a bad cold… I couldn’t smell anything… that’s how it started..
I also feel like I’m living in a dream because I’ve never been un-emotional AT ALL. It’s like I don’t remember how I used to feel…
Sometimes I just worry even if I’m not thinking about anything, I just…worry and worry and there’s a tightening in my chest because I know something is just…not right or missing… People say I’m overthinking everything and I over analyze everything and I just need to calm down but I can’t calm down because it’s the LOVE OF MY LIFE I’m dealing with… I can’t lose it. I can’t lose him.
I really want to gain my feelings back for him and to look forward to the things I used to look forward too. Please help me.. Will it ever come back? If I get better will I start loving and being happy again? Back to my normal self? I don’t want to break up with him just because I can’t feel anything it’s so unfair .. It’s hurting me so much… I can’t believe it when I get near him it’s like I’m so nervous because I don’t feel anything and I hate it…
**Please don’t say, “You don’t really love your boyfriend if you can’t feel it, just end it. Because I KNOW what I’m supposed to feel for him. I love him and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. He means so much to me. Please.
Any advice?