My fiance and I have been through our ups and downs and recently I thought things were going good. Every Sunday he goes to one of his buddies from work for Football. This particular Sunday I call him 30minutes after he left and there was no answer. It was imprtant becasue I thought my laptop had been stollen. I called him about 7 times and never got a response, no text…nothing. He called me an hour later from while he was at his freinds and apologized for not picking up. He said I left my phone in the car by mistake. First thing I thought is yeah right! If you knew this guy you would know that he never leaves him phone while watching sports. He and his friends back home are always texting and doing updates on the game. I said ok and let it go.
In the back of my mind I knew he was lying. I waited until he got home then looked at his text messages. Sure enough like I expected he has texts written to and from his friends during the time frame that he didn’t answer my call. One of them was from him and it said, “Call you in a sec. I’m at the bar sippin” WTF So now I’m like so you went to the bar before too? I felt so disapointed and betrayed. First he lies and doesn’t tell me that he’ll be making a detour first, then he lies about the phone being in the car. The first thing he said when I confronted him was, Why are you going through my phone? I just went to the bar with Brandon before we went to Carl’s I didn’t think needed to tell you that it was just for one drink. Mind you this is coming from a person who has been trying to earn my trust back from another episode that happened in the beginning of our relationship. Before we got engaged he promised to always be honest with me, so that I can trust him. I am so upset that he doesn’t think its a big deal that he just lied to me so easily. He mentioned he lied so that there wouldn’t be an argument about him going to the bar. I said you went to the ba last week and I didn’t care then so why would I have tripped out now if you were honest with? Classic cop out. It frustrates me that he can’t understand how his lies tear me apart. On top of that he won’t even own up to it, he turns the situation around and tries to make it seem like I’m in the wrong for looking through his phone. Normally I wouldn’t but this time a knew he had lied to me and I just needed to validate it. I have a bunsh of mixed emotions right now. If anyone out there has any advice or feedback, it would be greatly appreciated…thx
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When you set up your wedding gift registry, let all your friends know that you want a good lie detector machine as a wedding gift. Hook him up to it before he leaves the house each day and just as soon as he gets home. In this way, you will have a loving, trusting, caring marriage and will be able to sleep well at night.
Here is one of life’s little lessons…you can’t really “earn” trust back. Now that you know, you can act appropriately. Once a cheater always a cheater may not always be true…but liars will ALWAYS lie.
well it is obvious…..DON’T MARRY HIM
Remind him that your the one building trust. It don’t matter if it’s a big or small thing that he things. at this point it’s what you think. Tell him your expecations. say even if you think i’m going to make a big deal out i want to know. If you think i’m making a big deal out of nothing you need to tell me that then i can assest where my feelings at and calm down a bit.
i do understand why he didn’t. i mean you are sort of babysitting him wher eyou at who you with. but this is all in efforts to rebuild trust so i get it. But i’m not sure how long that has been. Set a time frame up if your still building trust from somethign that happen like cheating over a year ago. you can start to lighten up just a tad and let more things go. But do tell him that you will check up on him.. so he better play his card careful. as when you call and he don’t answer you will be going through the phone. at least until trust is back up to 97%
Good luck!
You’ll get through it just stand your ground.
In my opinion give him/her another some chances to study the real face
No lies there if you ask me…he was out with the guys and they deviated from the set plan. When doesn’t that happen? I think you are making a mountain out of a mole hill. Really, what couple monitors each others whereabouts 24/7? Are you his mom or his fiancee?
If you don’t trust your fiance…dump him. No trust = no relationship.
Going through the same pain. Cheated and continues to lie… I have to end it and it really hurts. My fiancé doesn’t get the pain he is causing. I will now have problems with future relationships because of it. I love him very much, don’t know why! But I deserve respect. I am incredibly truthful to him and it just isn’t appreciated. I have been with him for 5 years. Very very to say goodbye, but I have no choice. Just can’t keep crying anymore. I’m tired.